While the unemployment rate is high, people want to blame it a number of things; The President, the economy, luck, whatever. I, however, have a slightly different belief. After looking through a stack of maybe 50 applications today, I came to the conclusion that a lot of people are unemployed because, well they’re morons. It is nearly impossible to find people with half a brain right now and I can prove it. I’ve taken some of the most laughable/idiotic things people have put on their applications and posted them below. Honestly, I’m not sure how some of these people will get through life. These are word-for-word, no lie.
Salary Desired: “Whatevs” (Really?)
On the top of an application: “PLS CALL!”
Question: Have you ever been convicted of a crime?
Answer #1: “Pitty theft misdemeanar.” Spelling bee champion, obviously.
Answer #2: “Petit theft and obstructing an officer.” I’m a lover, not a fighter.
Answer #3: “Convicted of petty theft August 2011.” He’s had plenty of recovery time.
Answer #4: “Misdemeanor petit theft and possesion of alcohol by a minor. I completed probation and paid a lot of fines.” 17-year old gets drunk and steals clothes? Weird combo, but okay.
Answer #5: ” Prescripsion without a bottle and mistyminor possesion.” Seriously my little red squiggly spelling lines are going bananas.
Answer #6: “Been arrested twice but not convicted.” Good for you, kid. Keep that to yourself.
Drum Roll Please…
Answer #7 and my absolute favorite of all time: “Pity thift for stealing clothes while I was homeless and eat. I feel bad about it please still give me a chance.” I’m not completely sure what eating homeless people has to do with stealing clothes, but homegirl takes the cake on this one. I’ve kept it around for rainy days, or when I need a good laugh.
What. The. Eff?! Throw me a bone here. I wish people would stop complaining about finding jobs. Learn how to fill out an application, learn how to spell (real words, not in text form), and look presentable. At least I get some comedic action on the day-to-day.
Write you soon,