While the unemployment rate is high, people want to blame it a number of things; The President, the economy, luck, whatever.  I, however, have a slightly different belief.  After looking through a stack of maybe 50 applications today, I came to the conclusion that a lot of people are unemployed because, well they’re morons.  It is nearly impossible to find people with half a brain right now and I can prove it.  I’ve taken some of the most laughable/idiotic things people have put on their applications and posted them below.  Honestly, I’m not sure how some of these people will get through life. These are word-for-word, no lie.

Salary Desired: “Whatevs”  (Really?)

On the top of an application: “PLS CALL!”

Question: Have you ever been convicted of a crime?

Answer #1: “Pitty theft misdemeanar.”  Spelling bee champion, obviously.

Answer #2: “Petit theft and obstructing an officer.” I’m a lover, not a fighter.

Answer #3: “Convicted of petty theft August 2011.” He’s had plenty of recovery time.

Answer #4: “Misdemeanor petit theft and possesion of alcohol by a minor.  I completed probation and paid a lot of fines.”  17-year old gets drunk and steals clothes?  Weird combo, but okay.

Answer #5: ” Prescripsion without a bottle and mistyminor possesion.”  Seriously my little red squiggly spelling lines are going bananas.

Answer #6: “Been arrested twice but not convicted.”  Good for you, kid.  Keep that to yourself.

Drum Roll Please…

Answer #7 and my absolute favorite of all time: “Pity thift for stealing clothes while I was homeless and eat.  I feel bad about it please still give me a chance.”   I’m not completely sure what eating homeless people has to do with stealing clothes, but homegirl takes the cake on this one.  I’ve kept it around for rainy days, or when I need a good laugh.

What. The. Eff?! Throw me a bone here. I wish people would stop complaining about finding jobs.  Learn how to fill out an application, learn how to spell (real words, not in text form), and look presentable.  At least I get some comedic action on the day-to-day.

Write you soon,

Jenn